CALM… for now

IMG_2269It’s Christmas Eve morning. I’ve got Christmas songs dancing through my head, the fireplace is lit and the dogs (and husband) are all still asleep.

I just love the calm of the morning.

There is a lot on our plates right now. We’ve got grandkids who are so looking forward to tomorrow and I can’t wait to see their faces when we visit. We’ve got older children who are looking forward to tonight as we dig into crab legs and Heinekens. It’s all so lovely.

But deep inside of me I have pain. It’s been 9 years ago today when my mom died. Even though she was ready and I was okay with it all, I miss her. Especially today.

My pain today is for my friend who has been battling melanoma for the past 4 years. A brave battle – one that he faced head on and tried everything the doctors threw his way. I can’t even count the many clinical trials he was a part of. And while it didn’t work for him, I can only hope it’s given the medical field some sort of direction to help the next generation of cancer patients.

And now there is nothing else they can do for him.

He is home, surrounded by his family. I’ve already said my goodbyes and told him how much I love him and how much he meant to me.

People say at least you were able to tell him all those things but you know what?

It sucks to say goodbye.

It seems the older I get, the more I am aware of the loss of loved ones during the holiday season and it will always be a mixture of sadness and joy.

So I’m enjoying the calm this morning but the chaos will soon be upon me and for now I’m choosing peace (and Christmas songs).

Merry Christmas Eve to all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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One Response to “CALM… for now”

  1. Susan Says:

    I guess that’s what growing older (up) means. All the good and all the bad, dealing with both at the same time. Putting on the brave face, feeling the pain, going forward because what’s the alternative? Being happy with, for and because of the grandkids and hurting because ones you love are no longer there to appreciate them with you.

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